People often ask me about the name of my blog... click here to read the story.

Saturday, December 4, 2010

forever unpublished



the way she uses words pierces my heart

she's cool beyond cool

a true artist

not a wanna be

writer poet artist musician

why does reading or seeing or hearing someone else's genius make me want to melt into the background even as I scream to be heard

mediocrity sinks even further until it's not simply average anymore but bordering on failure

the gap between originality and ordinary widens

why can't i just be grateful for talent and genius like hers

why does is cause jealousy

especially since i know her unique style is born out of great pain

it should make me rejoice that God gives so much and she chooses to bless others so richly through it

on some level it does

but envy sets in and wonder why God didn't give any of that to me

i know my own downfalls

i know my laziness

i know my lack of ambition

i know my satisfaction with good enough

i know the times i say no to Him... or wait... or question Him

my life is blessing upon blessing upon blessing

i grew up in grace

surrounded by love...forgiveness...mercy

does growing up in blessing keep you from true genius

is true greatness only born through profound hardship

would i be willing to endure the pain to produce true originality


a pilgrim said...

Patty, I don't know who you're particularly writing about, but you've aptly described one of my own (numerous) great struggles in my little bit of life so far - the struggle to love and enjoy what is beautiful with the same purity and objectivity whether it was myself or someone else that God used in its creation. It's so hard, because (to some degree or other) I think each of us wants to be responsible for the greatest offering in the pile, instead of just pouring out everything we have, regardless of how it compares to what we see around us.
I was going to comment on the element of suffering that you touched on, too, but found my thoughts to be too long and rambling for this medium. Have you read "The Problem of Pain" by C.S.Lewis? I'm just reading it now, and it is, predictably, splendid.

patty said...

Tierney, I love that you're not afraid to comment on my less-than-happy posts. And I love how you can often flesh out something I'm feeling ("with the same purity and objectivity"). Thank you for your words & your understanding.
And yes, I've read the Problem of Pain and yes, it is splendid.