Saturday, December 4, 2010
forever unpublished
inspiring
stirring
the way she uses words pierces my heart
she's cool beyond cool
a true artist
not a wanna be
writer poet artist musician
why does reading or seeing or hearing someone else's genius make me want to melt into the background even as I scream to be heard
mediocrity sinks even further until it's not simply average anymore but bordering on failure
the gap between originality and ordinary widens
why can't i just be grateful for talent and genius like hers
why does is cause jealousy
especially since i know her unique style is born out of great pain
it should make me rejoice that God gives so much and she chooses to bless others so richly through it
on some level it does
but envy sets in and wonder why God didn't give any of that to me
i know my own downfalls
i know my laziness
i know my lack of ambition
i know my satisfaction with good enough
i know the times i say no to Him... or wait... or question Him
my life is blessing upon blessing upon blessing
i grew up in grace
surrounded by love...forgiveness...mercy
does growing up in blessing keep you from true genius
is true greatness only born through profound hardship
would i be willing to endure the pain to produce true originality
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2 comments:
Patty, I don't know who you're particularly writing about, but you've aptly described one of my own (numerous) great struggles in my little bit of life so far - the struggle to love and enjoy what is beautiful with the same purity and objectivity whether it was myself or someone else that God used in its creation. It's so hard, because (to some degree or other) I think each of us wants to be responsible for the greatest offering in the pile, instead of just pouring out everything we have, regardless of how it compares to what we see around us.
I was going to comment on the element of suffering that you touched on, too, but found my thoughts to be too long and rambling for this medium. Have you read "The Problem of Pain" by C.S.Lewis? I'm just reading it now, and it is, predictably, splendid.
Tierney, I love that you're not afraid to comment on my less-than-happy posts. And I love how you can often flesh out something I'm feeling ("with the same purity and objectivity"). Thank you for your words & your understanding.
And yes, I've read the Problem of Pain and yes, it is splendid.
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