The following is a portion of my journal entry on October 20, 2009...
"'The love of God is greater far than tongue or pen can ever tell; it goes beyond the highest star, and reaches to the lowest hell...'
Love. Respect. Value. Use. Obedience. Love can include all these things, but doesn't always. I think that's where I get hung up. I know You love me. But value me beyond my obedience or usefulness? I'm not so sure. And even in my obedience & usefulness, I don't necessarily feel any of Your pleasure or delight in me. So I'm left wondering 'What will it take? How can I get Your attention?'...Bring me to a deeper understanding of You--Your love--and self-sacrifice"
Exhausted with comparisons and weary with doubt, I turned to Him.
What does He have to say to me? About me? About you?
I know I'm loved unconditionally; so are you.
I know I don't earn that love; neither do you.
I know I can't lose His love; neither can you.
So, why do I fall so quickly into earning favor with God?
Wanting desperately to be one of His "favorites"...one of the children He speaks to in oh-so personal ways...I do things I think He'll like; that I think He'll notice.
Somehow, I think my only value lies in my usefulness.
Somehow, I think His love is contingent on my obedience or level of self-sacrifice.
I know it's not true.
I know that's not true.
But why do some people seem to have a direct line to God and His love and others flounder on the outskirts?
I don't have an answer.
Faithful, obedient, trusting people flounder; unsure of His love.
I've been searching the Bible, trying to find out more about His love.
Jeremiah 31:3 "I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with lovingkindness..."
Lamentations 3: "because of the Lord's great love, we are not consumed..."
Zephaniah 3:17 "...He will quiet you with His love..."
I John 3:1 "How great is the love the Father has lavished on us that we should be called children of God..."
Isaiah 63: 9 "In His love and mercy, He redeemed them..."
John 3:16 "For God so loved the world that He gave is only Son..."
Romans 8:38-39 "For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
This is a small sampling...I'm still searching...still trying to see these verses in their context...still trying to believe and know that each of His children is His favorite.
I am His favorite...
You are His favorite...
"'The love of God is greater far than tongue or pen can ever tell; it goes beyond the highest star, and reaches to the lowest hell...'
Love. Respect. Value. Use. Obedience. Love can include all these things, but doesn't always. I think that's where I get hung up. I know You love me. But value me beyond my obedience or usefulness? I'm not so sure. And even in my obedience & usefulness, I don't necessarily feel any of Your pleasure or delight in me. So I'm left wondering 'What will it take? How can I get Your attention?'...Bring me to a deeper understanding of You--Your love--and self-sacrifice"
Exhausted with comparisons and weary with doubt, I turned to Him.
What does He have to say to me? About me? About you?
I know I'm loved unconditionally; so are you.
I know I don't earn that love; neither do you.
I know I can't lose His love; neither can you.
So, why do I fall so quickly into earning favor with God?
Wanting desperately to be one of His "favorites"...one of the children He speaks to in oh-so personal ways...I do things I think He'll like; that I think He'll notice.
Somehow, I think my only value lies in my usefulness.
Somehow, I think His love is contingent on my obedience or level of self-sacrifice.
I know it's not true.
I know that's not true.
But why do some people seem to have a direct line to God and His love and others flounder on the outskirts?
I don't have an answer.
Faithful, obedient, trusting people flounder; unsure of His love.
I've been searching the Bible, trying to find out more about His love.
Jeremiah 31:3 "I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with lovingkindness..."
Lamentations 3: "because of the Lord's great love, we are not consumed..."
Zephaniah 3:17 "...He will quiet you with His love..."
I John 3:1 "How great is the love the Father has lavished on us that we should be called children of God..."
Isaiah 63: 9 "In His love and mercy, He redeemed them..."
John 3:16 "For God so loved the world that He gave is only Son..."
Romans 8:38-39 "For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
This is a small sampling...I'm still searching...still trying to see these verses in their context...still trying to believe and know that each of His children is His favorite.
I am His favorite...
You are His favorite...
5 comments:
I think we have a hard time separating our view of God's love from the earthly dissappointments we experience in love. We believe, and yet... I like the definition of assured - "boldly presumptuous" when I doubt. We need to be assured in His love for us. Be bold dear one, presume yourself to be favored by the immeasureable love of the King of the universe!
Can I give you another?
"Who Hopes for what he already has? He who Hopes for what he does not have waits for it patiently." Romans 8 -
It's my favorite passage because it already assumes we're not "feelin'" it. And apparently that's not only okay with Him... He expects it..for whatever reason I don't understand.
It's one of my life's greatest privileges to watch you wait...patiently. And you're doing it SO honestly and so beautifully. That's what this entry was for me today. Honest and beautiful and filled with Hope.
Love ya!
Beautiful. ...
I can relate to what you share. Yesterday, I was reading Koala Lou by Mem Fox to Anna. Koala Lou tries to do something BIG to get his mother's attention, to earn her love. I was reading the book, and started to cry, thinking: "That's me! I'm Koala Lou! That's what I do with God. Trying to earn his love..."
Your post reminds me of the Wemick's in Lucado's children's book - uh, the title is escaping me. Anyway, this little Wemick named Eli has all kinds of dots (bad marks) and doesn't understand why the Woodcarver would love him and find him special.
The world does that to us, doesn't it? It leaves us asking, questioning God, when he tells us all the time that the only thing that matters is what the Creator thinks of us - no good or bad marks of this world.
Judge your thoughts and feelings by their fruit. If it stinks, it isn't from God. I join you in this, cuz I can be pretty good at playing the questioning game!
There is no greater love than this, that Jesus laid down his life for you and for me!!!
"You are Special" is the book, Chris & it's one of my fav's. I actually had it in mind the whole time I was writing! :)
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