Going the Distance

They were amazing.
Strong, confident, and running to their potential, my son and his teammates captured the title in their Conference and all seven runners made the All-Conference team.
The chilly night wasn’t over, though. There were two more races to be run by the Junior Varsity.
As wonderful as it was to watch our Varsity teams excel, the JV races brought tears to my eyes.
Right before the boys JV race started I heard coach say to the guys “Cheer for J. Everywhere you can on the course, cheer for J.” I asked a parent standing by what the coach meant (because we all cheered for everybody, why single out J?) The parent explained to me that even though he’d been part of the team all season, J hadn’t run a single race due to serious health issues. So this meet, one of the last of the season, was his first race. We parents cheered for him with the boys at the first turn, and then the seven, who had already finished their race, took off again to meet J at another part on the course.
Later, tears came to my eyes as I watched the entire Varsity team running alongside J as he struggled far behind the other runners. His older teammates dropped out as he approached the last leg of the race and cheered from the sidelines as J finished…tired, weary, and minutes behind the next runner. But he’d finished his race and he wasn’t alone.
Then the girls’ race started. All season I’d watched her; struggling well behind the others almost shuffling instead of running. Yet there she was, running this race no differently than the others. Race after race, she ran to the finish no matter what. I marveled at her perseverance and determination. Later, as the scant crowd cheered her across the finish line, with a lump in my throat, my eyes once again filled with tears as she finished her own race.

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us." Hebrews 12:1

Throughout the years, God uses certain phrases in this familiar verse to change my heart or focus. At times “throw off anything that hinders” convicts me. “Surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses” rang particularly true when my dear father-in-law lost his battle with cancer. But the last year, because of what a friend said in a conversation, the phrase “run the race marked out for us” impacts my heart.
So yesterday, as I watched runners of every shape, size, and ability cross the finish line, I realized again that we each have to run our own race. We can’t run the race marked for someone else; we’d only be discouraged or confused.
In Christ, we all have the same goal, but each individual’s race is unique. Some people start out fast; others have a kick at the end. Some are always in front and others constantly bring up the rear.
Is the last person’s race any less important than the winner’s? In this spiritual race, it’s crossing the finish line that matters. It’s getting to the end, knowing we’ve done our best and run the race that our Coach set before us with determination and perseverance that holds value.
Thankfully, we don’t run alone, but we have teammates cheering us on from the sidelines and even, at times, running alongside us.

What a beautiful thing.

Fog

I've had a hard time posting lately.

Not because of technical difficulties.

Not because of lack of material. No, I've written volumes.

But the volumes are filled with my lastest bout with depression which is frankly, well, depressing and doesn't make for great reading.

For 23 years I've dealt with the ups and downs of clinical depression. I'm at a point now, of understanding that I've done everything I can do to bring relief and healing. Medication, counseling, prayer, scripture, supportive community...I've experienced it all and thank God for all of it.

There have been measures of healing and times of living symptom free, again, thank God.

But no matter how much I beg God, He, so far, has not completely removed the burden. I don't know why and ultimately it doesn't matter.

The point is, it's something He wants me to live with and continue experiencing.

Only He can bring complete relief and in my case, He doesn't. He's taught me lessons, used my experiences to help others, given me tools to handle it, but He hasn't brought complete healing.

I know many of you reading this can't possibly understand and are filled with questions, judgments, and possible remedies.

I also know that some of you reading this struggle too, perhaps silently.

Others have people in their lives that they can see deal with depression and are at a loss to help.
I'm not writing this for any ones sympathy, pity or advice.

I offer my story as a testament to God's power (for keeping me alive & functioning) and His faithfulness (for in reality, never leaving me even when it feels like it) and His sovereignty (He will bring healing when it suits His purpose).
It's also offered, hoping that it causes those of you prone to judge others struggling, to reserve judgement, those of you prone to depression to tell someone, and those dealing with it in someone elses life to pursue that person so they don't feel so alone.

As I was doing my hair this morning, it struck me that we spend a lot of time taking care of dead things.
Our hair is dead, yet we spend time, energy and money to make it look nice.
Our nails are dead, yet we file and paint them so people will notice.
They are dead.
It got me thinking about all the other dead things in my life that I dress up, decorate, spend time, money and energy on...

"We died to sin; how can we live in it any longer? Or don't you know that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life...For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin- because anyone who has died has been freed from sin." Rom 6

Love Divine

Two human loves make one divine.
Elizabeth Barrett Browning



Love...I saw it in their eyes, their smiles and their touches. I saw it between father & daughter as they danced. I saw it as the bride & groom and their parents shared communion together. I saw it in sisters & brothers, grandparents, cousins,and friends as they interacted. The weekend was saturated with love.

Joy...In the toasts given by the best man & maid of honor, the beaming smiles of parents, grandparents, and friends, even in the tears of one of the groomsmen, joy abounded.

Peace...Despite the stress of decorating, preparing, and running errands there was peace that passed understanding.

Patience...Witnessed between the bride & groom, the bride & her mom, the groom & his mom, and the countless others involved, a spirit of patience prevailed.

Kindness...The reassuring hugs and words spoken to calm nerves resounded with kindness.

Goodness...Evident in the pure life-styles of the bride and groom and and the joy of the witnesses, goodness permeated the celebration.

Faithfulness...Listening to vows spoken in love and trust, witnessing God praised and watching three sets of grandparents dancing to honor at least 50 years of marriage a piece, faithfulness flourished.



Watching the Rockies play...Attending a High Tea...Sharing meals...Googling endangered native wildflowers...Line Dancing at the rehearsal dinner...Decorating...Golfing...Rejoicing at the ceremony...Celebrating at the reception...hiking on Sunday...



From the time we arrived on Wednesday to our departure on Monday morning, the weekend was characterized by Beauty...Truth...Grace...and lots of laughter and fun.



David & Katie,

What a privilege to be included in your beautiful celebration! May you know God's blessing, peace, and abiding love as you begin your adventure together!

love, Aunt Patty

Conversations

Mid sentence I realized I was doing it.
Somewhere in the conversation I'd ceased really listening and started planning what I'd say back. Without being aware, I had an agenda and I was implementing it; making sure she knew what I thought, knew, and understood.
I had something to prove. I quit listening to her with an ear and heart to minister and understand her, and listened only for how I could respond in a way that would show her that a)I'm not the idiot I think she thinks I am and 2) I am a faith-filled person even if I think she doubts it.
Instead of genuinely putting her needs and concerns above my own, I pushed my own agenda of being understood. It doesn't happen very often--this need to prove myself--but once in a while it rears it's ugly head.
I'm sure to the casual observer nothing seemed amiss, but I knew what was driving my end of the conversation. I gave myself the mental equivalent of a slap and continued the conversation with a different motive and attitude. I have no idea if she noticed or not, but it made all the difference on my end.

Ephesians 4:2 "Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love."

Pretty Princess

She's always been sweet. Usually smiling, kind and gentle; that's my girl.
She woke up this morning, got ready and greeted me with a big hug & smile.
Happy birthday, honey! I whispered, still blinking the sleep from my eyes.
Thanks, mom! came the cheery response.

She's been waiting for this day for months. Well, years, really.

Her celebration started a week ago. Twelve girls descended on our home ready for a party. But the planning has been in the works for a month.
I suggested she have a theme for the party. She looked at me and replied, with a characteristic smile "Disney Princesses". That sounded like fun...I'm all into dressy, girly, princess stuff. Armed with nothing but ideas ( and a little cash), we headed off to party places and dollar stores to search for princessy stuff.
A few weeks later, the cake baked, the table set, the house and food ready, and no males in sight, we prepared for the arrival of the girls.

Upon entering our home in a swarm, they donned their borrowed princess dresses, primped in front of mirrors and then the party started.



After a fun, loud, giggly photo shoot, and amidst lots of talking, laughter, and goofy teenage girl stuff, I called them into the banquet. With gifts for each girl, food in abundance and friendship all around, they celebrated with us.


Twelve 15 and 16 year old girls dressed up like princesses, sitting at a feast, enjoying one another. Reading from I Peter 2:9-10 "But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood..." , I prayed with them and told them how, if you were a daughter of the King you were truly a princess. It was all I could do to not to cry(sappy person that I am).
Well, the meal ended and they went on to spend hours laughing, talking, playing truth or dare, mafia, sitting around a fire, having a dance off (at 4 a.m.) and staying up ALL night! It was everything she'd hoped for and worth the missed sleep for me.

But that was a week ago. Today's the day.
She's finally sixteen.
Brad & I gave her a ring this morning. A ring to remind her of our love, to remind her of her Heavenly Father's love, to remind her of a call to holiness, and to remind her that she's truly a princess.
Happy Birthday, Beautiful girl...we love you!

Beauty in the everyday...

The last few weeks have been crazy. Not crazy busy, but crazy with the whole spectrum of life: from the tragedy of car accidents, plane crashes, tragic deaths and the effects of cancer to the blessings of newborns, healthy pregnancies and the overwhelming joy of adoption.
I've started three separate posts to try to put into words all that's been on my heart and mind but abandoned each.
How can you sum up so much life and death, joy and sorrow in a post?
My brains been working overtime to try to deal with it all; to let God be God, to truly pray "your will be done", to rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn.
In the midst of it, I keep going back to the beauty I see everywhere around me.
Beauty in the joys of adoption & new parenting....beauty in friends rising to the occasion and putting their own needs on hold so they can minister to someone else...beauty in measures of healing...beauty in accepting God's will...beauty in community...beauty in God's faithfulness...beauty in God's abundant mercy...beauty in His amazing grace...beauty in His sustaining presence (whether felt or not)...beauty in His strong arm being mighty to save...beauty in His love...beauty in YHWH.

"One thing I ask of the LORD, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to seek him in his temple" Psalm 27:4